That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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