You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
