My nipple is on Facebook.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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