Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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