Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dignity is for republicans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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