last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
