i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it glows. i had to have it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
