STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
