I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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