All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
