I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize