I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
