I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
