You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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