I smell stomach acid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize