he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is wine microwaveable?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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