So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Someone signed my nipple.
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