he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
