just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
