no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
