First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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