My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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