saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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