hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
