i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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