You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think my nap took me to another dimension
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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