I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
