you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
