I think my vagina is haunted
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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