Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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