Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm really busy with my period
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