Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize