Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
