dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
