I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
this hospital has no fireball
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
