You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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