dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
