And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
