Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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