my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
pray to the hookup gods
I am naked and annoyed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
