somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
