so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
