you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
