Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize