I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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