I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
