i just google imaged poop.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
