yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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