chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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