Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
