Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize