I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
