Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
