So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
