Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
