ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't tell me you're on acid again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
