You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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