Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
