i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
