Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
