I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
