Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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