Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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