life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish my penis had an off switch
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
