hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
