I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
