dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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