you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
