Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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