What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize