naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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