someone threw a dead crab at me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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