bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
