Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
