Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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