i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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