sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
