a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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