Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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