Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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