My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
