You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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