every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
