Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
