I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
